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Setting: The local WalMart (yes, I know, but the prices can be pretty good and not EVERYTHING is made in China – you just have to look closely.) Peanut butter aisle.
MKL does not like WalMart. He only goes to surreptitiously snap images for the People of WalMart site and hates going there without me because it is just….wrong.
Me: I think I need to get you some crunchy peanut butter. The beast within you has eaten all of mine.
MKL: OK. And I’ll pick up some smooth peanut butter for The Boy.
MKL takes my crunchy peanut butter in one hand and a jar of smooth peanut butter in the other hand.
With a sudden adeptness heretofore unknown in the annals of peanut butter history, the smooth Jif starts to slide from his hand, while the crunchy Jif takes a flying leap towards the cart. As the onlooker, I would say that both were fully self-propelled.
MKL yelps and clutches his leg.
The crunchy Jif has attacked him in the kneecap. While this should have just been a bounce, it wasn’t. This unprovoked assault resulted in a cut, a huge bruise, a swollen kneecap, and a staggering significant other. Being the helpful partner that I am, I just laughed hysterically at the idea of him being so severely wounded by a plastic jar of peanut butter. (I should say here that MKL is a strong dude with strong legs who, as a former weight trainer and fourteener climber, now routinely lifts cars just for the fun of it.)
He blames WalMart.
I am still laughing.