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I am lonely in a strange way tonight.
I had a long, hard day. I’ve had about 9 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours and I’m pooped. But I accomplished what I set out to accomplish at work today – well, not quite, but I did the absolute best that I could, having only been there 7 days.
I had cocktails with a nice guy, the same guy I went dancing with last Friday. It was pleasant. I was happy and sleepy when I took the late bus home. I’m really sleepy now, watching some old Lana Turner/Ricardo Montalban movie on the Bonnet Channel. Who can NOT watch Ricardo Montalban? I’ve eaten, called Kelsea (like 5 times because I kept remembering things I meant to tell her). I have some cautiously good news that I’ll share later, just to keep you reading and in suspense.
I was lonely though, when I got home. It’s interesting. Sometimes, when I’m slightly smugly happy, I feel REALLY alone. I want to share that slice of joy I feel with someone else, and strangers just won’t do. That’s why I sent an “I miss you” message tonight. And why I came home and checked my incredibly bizarre E-Harmony matches. I’m not ready to be in a relationship. In fact, I am totally dedicated to being on my own and manless (and, yes, womanless, not that I had considered that as a viable option). This is the time for me to learn, to ache, to grow, to gather my own power, so perhaps later I can be invaluablely precious to myself and to someone else.
And so now, it’s 10:00. Kelsea and I have a really “cool” day planned tomorrow (with her really cool friend Will) but it’s one more thing I’ll leave you in suspense about (gasp – did I really end that sentence with a preposition?) Suffice it to say, after last weekend’s auctions and alpacas, this coming weekend will be another thrill!
Sleep well – or if it’s already Saturday – have a lovely day, my friends.
Photo Title: A Long Purple Winter
Fraser, Colorado.
Quote of the day: “Growth is a detox process, as our weakest, darkest places are sucked up to the surface in order to be released…often, it is not a change in partners but rather a change in perception that delivers us to the love we seek.” – Marianne Williamson
