Just like last night felt odd, tonight feels odd. Not bad-odd, just odd-odd. Know what I mean?
I had a busy and interesting day today. Went and worked out. Got some positive indicators that I have a remote chance of getting the house I’d like to buy. Talked to a former boss who said she’d push along my resume at the company where she currently works, where I’m considering an interesting but demanding job. Took a few hours to write a fantastic cover letter for a meeting facilitator/consultant job that is perfect for me. Wrote a new poem. Washed dishes. Made plans with a couple of friends for different dates. Had a good talk with a bloggy friend. Am now watching “An Affair To Remember” (the Cary Grant-Deborah Kerr version). The wind is blowing hard outside.
(And let me say that just because I’m looking for gainful employment doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the writing. It’s just that if I buy the house, it would help to have some solid income for a bit.)
As the day wound down, I wanted to talk to my former guy. It was an interesting feeling. I miss him. Obviously. And he reads this, so I’m not telling him anything new. (Hi there.) But I was thinking about that being one of the things I miss the most about us. We used to talk in the morning – he was my alarm clock. We would talk at lunch about how the morning went. We would text periodically. We would talk on the way home from work about the rest of the day. And we would Skype before bed. It’s what you do when your relationship is long-ish-distance.
It’s those going home talks that I miss the most. That winding down of the day is the time I miss talking to him most. I miss sharing the little (and sometimes larger) doings of the day. I liked that. It had a cozy intimacy to it that was special somehow.
I’m being more social and reaching out to friends and family more and it feels nice. I’m at home alone (as of last night) and will be until Sunday, which is also fine. I’m fine being alone, much moreso than I was a month ago. In fact, I’m kind of happy tonight. (So, in response to AO1′s comment, don’t feel bad for me.)
But that little conversation. That’s the thing I miss. I hope I’ll have that sort of thing again someday.


9 comments
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January 5, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Anotherother1
SS, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. That is the time of day that is most difficult for me, too. It’s the routine, and the emptiness of not having the comfort of that routine. We were HAPPY…and it is difficult to understand why/how these changes were thrust upon us….when we were quite happy to continue and build upon that happiness.
January 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Seasweetie
Yes, AO1. I thought of you as I wrote this too. But I am not UNhappy. It is just a sad change. Happiness is found in so many places, and so many of them unexpected.
January 5, 2011 at 10:08 pm
slpmartin
Sounds like a good day…shaping your own future.
January 5, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Seasweetie
I think often of your poem and your phase about “forging new dreams”.
January 6, 2011 at 12:56 am
Jaclyn Rae
I can totally relate to this post right now. Keep smiling and writing. I hope life blows you lots of kisses this week
January 6, 2011 at 1:39 am
Seasweetie
Right back at ya, Jaclyn Rae! One of the nicest things about blogging is realizing that we’re not all alone in how we feel.
January 6, 2011 at 11:36 am
TheIdiotSpeaketh
You will! You will have those great coversations with someone new before you know it! Hang in there! You are doing so great!
January 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm
ebbtide
That’s the piece of companionship I miss as well… having that end of day sounding board – as if that made the experiences of my day more substantial in some way. Like you – I don’t exactly feel lonely. I enjoy my “aloneness” right now. But I still have that hope of finding someone to share the other end of my conversations.
I enjoyed this – you write quite eloquently and I look forward to reading more from you.
January 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Seasweetie
Thank you, ebbtide. I’m so glad you stopped by. Hope is an excellent thing, and I hope you enjoyed your champagne at New Year’s!