I feel like I am at a fork in the road. 

Yes, I’m having to regroup, to forge new dreams, or decide on pursuing my long-standing dreams on my own – or both.  I need a few winter clothes – I had made a point of not buying any because I had in my head that I wouldn’t really be hanging around for much more cold weather.  Well, looks like I’m here for another season, so might as well stay warm.

But I digress…

I would LOVE to make my own freelancing business work.  I haven’t put any heart into it. Zip. Zilch. Zero.  I’ve been writing a lot, and loving it, but I haven’t been doing business writing.  Just working on the novel, and a chapbook.  And those things are going to pay off.  But for right now, I am wondering if I need to do something different – which translates into a real-life, full-time job. 

I’m not adverse to the idea – not wholly.  I am usually emotionally better the busier I am.  And I’ve been pretty isolated since I left full-time work.  I was just really hoping NOT to have to work for anyone again.  So I guess I’m thinking out loud here, about the different tines on the fork that is in my way.

Tine #1:  I can really set down to find freelance writing work.  That means talking to everyone I know on LinkedIn, doing the whole Business After Hours networking with the Chamber of Commerce, and….cold calling, the thing I hate the most in the universe.

Tine #2:  I can look for a grown-up job in my field.  That has some advantages: benefits (especially health insurance, which is going to run out in August),  consistent income, socialization.  It could lead to me being able to buy a house.  And it would give me some more writing experience, albeit of a different sort, since that’s what I would try to get – a job in the marketing/writing field.  But wouldn’t I be giving up on my dream?  Or would I just be postponing it? 

Tine #3:  I can find a second part-time job.  Between two part-time jobs, I could have a semi-decent income. I could do something different, like be a barista, work in a bookstore, a gallery, or any one of the many things I’ve always wanted to try.  Life would be juggling schedules, and wouldn’t give me much time to travel.  But there would be variety.  I like variety in my work.

Tine #4:  I can start working on articles for publication and just (appropriately) flood the market to get some things published.  I can start looking for an agent for my novel.  This tine takes me most directly towards my future.

Tine #5:  I can go back to school – more specifically, nursing school.  I’ve always wanted to be a nurse.  That would require taking out a student loan, and…studying.  At least Kelsea and I could keep each other company while doing homework.

Tine #6:  I could join the Peace Corps.  Seriously!  They do take people my age.  And it’s the closest I can get to running off and joining the French Foreign Legion, like heartbroken romantics used to do in the last century.  OK, they were men, but you get the picture.  It would be a good thing for me, doing something socially conscious.

Tine #7 (yes, it’s a big fork): I can keep things as is, status quo. I can keep going like I am right now, with one part-time job, for another year.  I can travel.  I’d have to make some more decisions when my lease is up, about  not having a place and just travelling all the time, finding a new place, or staying in this place.

I have a lot of options.  As I said in my New Year’s post, I’m visualizing my future as it already exists.  These choices are avenues to the same place; it’s just a matter of which will make me happiest and most comfortable.  It may not be a matter of choosing one option, either.  It may be a combination of all of them.  And any of them will take some time to develop – it’s not as if I expect to walk out the door tomorrow and have to dodge job offers like I have to dodge birds attacking the Cottage.

This is the sort of thinking and writing I was hoping to do while I was at the Hot Springs last week, and it’s the only writing and thinking that I didn’t get around to, which means that I wasn’t meant to do it there and then.  But I do need to get in motion.  It will be fun, whatever it is.

But I do rather wish it was a spoon in the road.  I have rather a penchant for spoons.

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